Ceremony Haftas

Pinky Agnew, a celebrant since 1996, shares some tips for a your Big Step ceremony - be it a wedding or a civil union. Here are the "Ceremony Haftas".

I see so many couples suffering from severe attacks of the Haftas.  It can be caught from anyone - siblings, bridesmaids, parents...
I can spot the symptoms a mile off.  At the rehearsal, the bride says something like "Mum says I hafta walk in on Dad's left."  There is so much wrong with that sentence!  Firstly, a woman doesn't HAVE to walk in with anyone, on any side - unless she chooses to.  The question couples should ask themselves when planning the structure of their ceremony is, "What do we want?"  The celebrant will make sure that the legal requirements are fulfilled. 

So let's be really clear about the difference between what you HAVE to do, and what you CHOOSE to do.  Here are those things that you HAVE to do. See Ceremony Wannas PART 1, Ceremony Wannas PART 2 and Ceremony Wannas PART 3 for the fun stuff!

HAVE TO
We are very lucky here in New Zealand - there are few legal requirements for your ceremony.  The Have To requirements are outlined in two excellent booklets - guides to Civil Union and Getting Married.  These are published by Births, Deaths & Marriages, a part of The Department of Internal Affairs.  The guidelines are also on the website, www.bdm.govt.nz.  Or you can phone them on 0800 22 52 52. 

• The first legal requirement is getting your legal documents.  You can start this process by reading the information, and downloading the appropriate forms from the Births, Deaths & Marriages website, www.bdm.govt.nz.    Once the forms are filled out, and the fee paid, the legal documents you need for your ceremony will be issued.  The documents are only valid for three months, and BDM need at least three working days. 

• The second requirement, once you have the documents, is to have the ceremony at the place described on the licence, before the licence expires, and have present a legally appointed celebrant or registrar, and two witnesses. 

• Then the couple needs to make some sort of vows.  In the case of a wedding, "Each party must say the words 'I AB, take you CD, to be my legal wife/husband', or words to similar effect."  In the case of a Civil Union, the couple makes "a clear statement", in which they name each other '...and acknowledges that they are freely joining in a civil union with each other.' 

• Once the vows are made, the couple, the celebrant and the two witnesses must sign the appropriate documents - usually known as "signing the register". 

Those are the only HAVE TO requirements for the ceremony.  A ceremony that only addressed the legal requirements would take a few minutes, and most of that time would be taken up signing the register. 
Which brings me to...

Pinky Agnew (MNZM)
Celebrant