Gearing Up the Guest List

When it comes to the guest list, our first piece of valuable advice: you are never, and I mean never, going to make everyone happy. So please don't set out thinking you are going to defy the odds.

Instead, set out thinking, "We are going to invite everyone WE (use big emphasis on this word when reading it) want at our wedding." I know, it's a lot easier said than done, but if you keep reminding yourselves of this mantra, I think you'll be a lot better off.

Here are a few helpful tips to make creating your Guest List a much more enjoyable experience.

ZIP IT
You've chosen your venue, so you know how many people you can invite. If Janice from Accounting asks you tomorrow by the water cooler, don't feel like you need to tell her how many guests will get a fancy envelope in the mail. Once people get wind that you're engaged, you'll be surprised how many will come right up to you and ask, "So when's the wedding?" with excited, hungry and thirsty grins on their faces. Just make sure you keep it discreet...like, "We're planning a very small, intimate wedding at..." or, "It's just a small affair with family and a few close friends" or even, "We've only just started, so we don't quite know what we're getting ourselves into". If people think there's a potential they may not make List A or B, then they won't be as disappointed when their mailbox is empty.

WRITE OUT THE ESSENTIALS
Don't waste any time. Write down every person who is an automatic must-have on your guest list. This will give you an idea of how many "essential" and definite invites you will have and how many invites you have to play with. This is actually best done before you set out on the venue hunt, as you will know which venues will work and which ones will not.

Then, write down those people who are an instant must-NOT-have on the list. I'm not suggesting you have a wee bash-fest - more a chance for you decide whether you're going to allow:
1.    Plus Ones (Are you going to allow single guests to bring someone? If so, the rule is usually if they have been dating for 1+ years or live together.)
2.    Children (Do you want an Adult-Only wedding? Remember - this does not include the flower girl(s) and/or ring bearer.)
3.    Ex-Partners (It's a touchy subject, but one that must be covered all the same.)
4.    Extended Family (Where will you cut off "family"? At your cousins or at your second-cousins-once-removed?)

WORK: ALL OR NOTHING
It's an all or nothing mentality when it comes to co-workers. You have three choices really: (1) invite the lot, (2) invite ONLY the boss or (3) invite no one from the office. Here's an Ask the Experts we answered not too long ago about how you should broach the "to invite or not to invite workmates" question (see link at the bottom of the page).

SET THEM A LIMIT
Put your foot down - early. It's your wedding day, so don't let your parents bully you into inviting Dad's entire bowls team or Mum's knitting club!

We know it can be tricky and sticky territory, but you need to make sure you set limits on how many guests each set of parents can invite. If they are financially contributing to the wedding, then they should certainly be allocated a specific number of guests. However, make sure this is a fair number that will not compromise how many people you can personally invite or will compete with how many your future in-laws are allocated.

Be understanding and sensitive to their requests, but stay firm in your allocations. If they get grumpy, remind them that while this is a day to share with everyone, it is your wedding, your event and your day to remember. 

USE THE GUESTLIST TOOL!
Keep it clean and organised using theBIGstep Guestlist Tool. You can add and remove guests as you please, list notes about your guests and keep track of who is related to whom. Use the "Table Number" field in the early stages of planning to slot them into A- and B-lists or whose guests they are (i.e. Our Guests, Parents' Guests, In-Laws' Guests). Once you are ready to build your seating chart, you can simply change this field as necessary.

WILL IT BE THE SAME IN FIVE YEARS?
It's the easiest way to decide if they make the cut or not: will you know them or still speak to them in five years? If the answer is yes, enter them in your Guestlist and tick them off as a must-have. If the answer is no, do not bother putting them on a backup list etc. If the answer is maybe, keep them on the back burner...but don't put them on the Guestlist until all of your definite "yes" guests are confirmed.

And for heaven's sake - if you don't know them, have never met them or have only heard their name in conversation, leave them off ANY list!