Etiquette for an Engagement Party at a Restaurant?
My partner and I are quite young (both twenty-one). We are looking forward to throwing an engagement party and have decided to have it at a restaurant. Are we expected to pay for everyone's meals? Or can we just put up a bar tab and be done with it?
Mel, Christchurch
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Erin answers...
Engagement parties are whatever you want to make of them...there are no hard and fast rules, unlike fairly standard expectations from weddings.
By simply inviting your friends and family to join you for dinner, you may find that some people will assume you are flipping the bill. The key is to make it clear from the invitation (whether printed, emailed or spoken) that this is not the case!
DON'T write:
We're getting married!
Come celebrate our engagement with us at Blah Blah Restaurant.
Time
Date
RSVP Details
* This is not clear enough for your guests. To be honest, if I received this invitation, I would think I was getting a free meal. Instead...
DO write:
We're getting married!
We would love for you to join us for dinner at Blah Blah Restaurant.
To celebrate our engagement, we will be providing the drinks!
Time
Date
RSVP Details
You'll be paying for everyone's meal at your wedding, so your friends and family should certainly not be offended if you ask them to pay for their own food at the engagement party.
Alternatively, if you feel a bit uncomfortable asking people to pay for the meals themselves, consider having your engagement party at a bar. You could put up a bar tab that could even include a few canapes, so your guests feel like they've had both a nibble and a drink. This is much more common and makes it a lot easier on your wallet. It will also remove any confusion from the equation.
