Who Do We Please?

Jessica, Timaru

Lauren answers...

Planning a wedding is often a balancing act - you want to plan the wedding of your dreams, but you also want to please those close to you. The wedding is about you and your fiance and your commitment to each other, but it's a pretty important day for your family as well - their daughter/niece/cousin/sister is getting married - and it really is lovely that they are excited about it.

Here's my suggestion: find a happy medium. Unfortunately, it sounds like you aren't in a position to use the line: "We're just having a small ceremony with very close family." It sounds like you have a large family who have already invited themselves!

Why not hire a bus or two? That way you can have the ceremony by the lighthouse - like you and your fiance want. The buses will pick up your guests from their accommodation or a central meeting point, take them to the lighthouse, take them to the reception venue and then take them back to their accommodation or the central meeting place. When the transport is taken care of, guests don't need to worry about getting from Point A to Point B, and they will not be so concerned about the distance.

Check with the bus company to see if it is acceptable to eat and drink on the bus. You could then supply guests with drinks and nibbles as they make their way back to "civilisation" - bus rides can be lots of fun and a great way to get people mingling!

If buses just aren't in your budget, ask or suggest that family and friends car pool or hire vans. There are always a handful of sober drivers at any wedding who would be happy to act as chauffeurs!

In regards to having your ceremony in the forest...although this sounds like a wonderful and romantic idea, it rings a few alarm bells for us here at theBIGstep. One thing we can't stress enough is that you must always have a Plan B in the unfortunate occurrence that bad weather strikes. As such, this goes for your ceremony by the lighthouse as well.

Even the simplest wedding requires a fair bit of planning. Assuming that you are booking a celebrant/priest and hiring buses for transport, what happens if it rains on your wedding day? Will you provide wet weather clothing or umbrellas and go ahead with your ceremony at the lighthouse? Or does the idea of getting married outside in the rain not appeal? If not, then you will need another plan that will fit in with your day's schedule.

We suggest you suss out the area and find any alternative indoor/sheltered ceremony spot that would do the trick. Alternatively, look at hiring a marquee or shelter that can be assembled on the day.

IMPORTANT: Always check with councils, local bodies or caretakers of public spaces to see if it is in fact possible to host your wedding ceremony/reception at your desired location. Public places aren't always a free for all. You could turn up on the day and find another wedding party has assembled on your ceremony spot...or you may have to gain permission or pay a fee to use this location. We recommend booking your public place in advance just to secure your location.

The idea of having your reception in a nearby forest sounds lovely. When I think of such wedding settings I picture a wonderful picnic with rugs laid out over the grass, plastic flutes, handmade sandwiches and treats! Just remember to have a wet weather alternative and accessibility organised. Will you hire shelter if it rains? Heaters if it's cold? If you are hiring caterers, will they need electricity? If you are making the food yourself, how will you feed such a large family?

We promise, we're not trying to burst your bubble, but the weddings that run the smoothest are the ones that have been planned down to the fine print. Of course you can have the wedding you want; you just need to have contingency plans in place. If something should not go exactly to plan, and you have an action plan for it, it won't even seem like a big deal on the day, and you'll be able to enjoy it, rain or shine!

Also, a good alternative to a forest wedding could be a casual marquee event. Down in Southland, do you know of anyone with some nice land where you could set up a tent? If it is simplicity you are after, then don't worry about the silk linings or even the tables. Hire a few couches, pillows or chairs to scatter and throw some rugs around the grass. If the sun is shining high in the sky, move the party outside. If it happens to rain, you'll still have the grass under your feet, but you will be dry and warm under shelter.

It's your wedding day, so stick to your guns on what you want to do - but try to keep your ears open to the suggestions of your loved ones, as you want everyone to enjoy the day.